Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat. Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Obstruction A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic. Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until it gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend ALL meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for them to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refridgerator Observation If a cat watches a refridgerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag/Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room MUST contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to its embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink its weight in milk, squared, just to show you it can. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly related to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the midsection of an unsuspecting, reclining human. Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
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